How many times have you said, ‘Yes’ to someone, when you really mean, ‘No’? And how many times has this stressed you out?
When we say, ‘Yes’ too many times, people can start taking advantage. Does this remind you of anyone?
Do you know of someone who says, ‘Yes’, when you know they mean, ‘No’?
This comes down to self-care. When you put others before yourself, you don’t allow yourself to grow. Sometimes we don’t have a choice, we have family commitments, work commitments and other commitments that must be fulfilled. However, there are times when we are asked to do something, and we feel we can’t say, ‘No’.
So we often say, ‘Yes’, and suffer the consequences of it interfering in our own lives. This can lead to resentment. This has a ripple effect that can lead to uncomfortableness within friendship and family groups.
Saying, ‘No’ is about setting personal boundaries. Once you know what your boundaries are, and others know what your boundaries are, they will have to respect this. It’s time to get rid of the guilt. Once you practice self-care, you’ll have more to give other people, and yes, sometimes this means saying, ‘NO!’
Daring to set boundaries is about having the courage to love ourselves even when we risk disappointing others
I felt the need to write about this subject, as it has been something I have struggled with myself. I was an all-around yes person! I’d fit people in, change plans for other people and end up in many situations helping others. I would bend over backwards to help anyone even at the detriment of myself. However, I’ve learnt to say ‘No’ – at first it was hard. I felt guilty. I felt I was letting people down, however, as time went on I realised those who care me, truly understand why I was saying no. This didn’t happen overnight … and even now, I can find myself in a situation and I think, am I being tested? Because I am a person who is full of love and I love helping people. However, I have to judge now whether there is too much implication on my own life. If I feel the situation doesn’t suit me, I simply say, no!
I judge the situation because sometimes, I say, ‘Yes’ and I mean it, but I feel happiness at saying yes.
You too, will feel happiness, if the ‘yes’ suits you. Our mind, body and soul, knows if a situation suits us. We know when we say, ‘Yes’ and we mean it! We also know the feeling of that dark cloud that comes over us when we say, ‘Yes’ but we mean, ‘No’: that frustration, irritation and disappointment. When we are experiencing those feelings, it’s time to draw on our boundaries, it’s time to draw a line of what we are willing to accept.
We can say, ‘Yes’ when we mean, ‘No’ for many reasons: we don’t want to appear selfish, we don’t want to let someone down, we don’t want to seem rude, we don’t want the person to feel rejected … but in the process of saying ‘Yes’, you are doing these things to yourself.
If you read my blog posts, you’ll know I always ask you to come from a place of ‘love’ – so you may ask yourself, ‘How can I be showing love if I’m saying no?’ But ask yourself this … ‘If you are feeling resentment, if you are feeling begrudged, how is that coming from a place of love?’ You are not showing love to the person in question and you are not showing love to yourself. So there’s not much love flowing here … and with the rule of the Law of Attraction, you will attract more resentment! It’s amazing how this works.
So this isn’t asking you to say, ‘No’ to everything and everyone, as I said, you will know when you truly mean ‘Yes!’ It feels good. You are then sending love.
So, if you have the courage, which I know you do, to say, ‘No’ and mean, ‘No’, you may feel guilty, you may feel you are letting that person down, but ask yourself what are you gaining from this? Give yourself a hug, be proud of your decision and know that you are sending love to yourself and in turn, this will spread to others … and guess what, you’ll attract more love to yourself.